I had always admired those who could paint, and I did have a creative side growing up. I would knit, crochet, colour, draw, and dabble in crafts. As an adult, my creative outlets were knitting, interior design (constantly changing things up in my home!), and refinishing furniture. However, it wasn’t until I was 37 that I discovered I could paint—and most importantly, I loved it.

After I expressed my desire to learn how to paint, a friend suggested I take a class offered by a local artist. The artist held weekly classes in her home, and no experience was necessary. Perfect! I signed up.

Within 30 minutes on that first evening, I knew I had found something I would do for the rest of my life. I never imagined that I would eventually pursue becoming a professional artist.

What I also was experiencing at that time was immense grief from a heartbreaking perinatal loss, the end of the relationship with my partner, the loss of the dream of motherhood, and severe neurological and other physical issues that were a mystery to doctors at that time (eventually diagnosed as chronic Lyme disease). Getting through my days was extremely difficult.

The act of painting brought me peace. In those moments when my attention was wrapped up in the brush, applying paint, and the colours and textures I was creating, I forgot about my painful grief and fear of the future. My physical pain and challenges were not at the forefront of my attention.

I continued to paint. Life got worse for a while - for the next four years, to be exact, including my health, but what saved me was painting. I was very depressed and felt hopeless about life. I even had a brief period where I considered not living any longer. However, I continued to show up to the easel to find relief - even short glimpses of joy. During the hours that I would paint, mostly well into the late night, I slowly reconnected with myself, heard my intuitive voice much more again, and developed the belief that I may just be okay one day.

Participating in a creative act can save your life - and there is scientific evidence to prove it! What transpires on a physical level is nothing short of fascinating. Then, there are the emotional and mental benefits. When you were a child, freely playing, creating something out of nothing - the world around you didn’t exist. You were in a state of joy and concentration on what you were doing. We can also do that as adults - we must permit ourselves to do so. Nobody is going to give us permission except ourselves.

My journey to where I am today began over eleven years ago. To this day, I intentionally allow myself to be in a state of play and curiosity. This brings me to the present moment, where I create something out of nothing because it makes me feel at peace.

If you find yourself in a place where life is painful, I promise you it will not stay this way forever. I would never want to relive any of the difficult times in my life. However, as cliche as it may sound, they were gifts. I am who I am today because I was forced to deal with the layers of pain - some of which had been there for years. There was nothing else I could do. Through it, I discovered parts of myself that had been suppressed for years and began to heal one mark, one brushstroke, one painting at a time.